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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to another thrilling installment of Ruff Tails. Today, I’m going to explain why I’m not a dog, I’m a humdog. For those of you unfamiliar, it’s 1/2 human, 1/2 dog. There are tons of us here in San Francisco. Four legged creatures with IQs so high that we are not only allowed, but encouraged to frequent establishments usually only designated for humans.

Exhibit A: This is me enjoying a girls shopping day at Banana Republic in Union Square.

Most of the women's clothing is downstairs. This is me leading the way.

Most of the women’s clothing is downstairs. I led the way.

Don’t believe me? Here’s more proof.

My Mom and I shared a dressing room. I was super close to getting a new outfit, but they were out of my size.

Mom and I shared a dressing room. I was super close to getting a matching denim shirt, but they were out of my size.

The Banana Republic trip was a hoot. Not only did a group of workers pump up my ego by swarming me and giving me kisses (I smelled like perfume for two days–a nice change from, well, normal dog smell), but the checkout lady also gave me a treat. Score!

Almost every business in San Francisco allows humdogs. How do I know? As I walk down the street, I notice water bowls sitting outside the doors of most establishments. This is to entice real humans to bring in their humdogs. Mom always takes that bait (although I will not touch a contaminated water bowl, I mean, reeeaally). We go everywhere together.

Exhibit B: I especially love going to Benefit Salon on Fillmore Street. We go every three weeks so Mom can get her eyebrows waxed. I sit there like the lady that I am and am always rewarded with bones from Victoria, my favorite employee. They know me.

Sitting quiet as a mouse while Mom gets her eyebrows waxed and sending subliminal messages to the ladies behind the checkout for them to get my treat ready.

Sitting quiet as a mouse while sending subliminal messages to the ladies behind the checkout to get my treat ready.

While I do love shopping, I also appreciate playing at parks and beaches. My favorite park is Huntington Square Park, right across the street from Grace Cathedral in Nob Hill. Moms and dads: take this as a public service announcement. Go to this park immediately. Humdogs are especially friendly and there is plenty of grass to lounge around. Mom and I go there a few times a week since it is only about a half-mile from our house. She lets me off leash and I socialize with others at or near my IQ level. My favorite is Helga, a 12-year-old Basset Hound. We are kindred spirits and often engage in thought-provoking conversations about the ethics of butt sniffing. When you meet her, you will know. She is an old soul. Tell her I sent you.

I'm so photogenic!

I’m so photogenic!

Baker Beach is my favorite beach. In addition to running on this beach, I get to run a few times a week around town with Mom. Here we are racing last week. I buried her.

Wee!

Wee!

The point of me writing all of this is to give humans a peak into life with a humdog. I highly recommend adopting one of us. And if it will put you at ease, your shopping habits won’t have to change.

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